The Cost of Self-Improvement and Growth

Have you ever considered the cost of doing self-improvement work? Whether you engage in sessions with a therapist, coach, shaman, mentor, teacher, or any other facilitator of inner work and healing, there are inevitable costs or investments involved. As both a coach and therapist, I find it crucial to engage in this conversation to help individuals manage their expectations and equip themselves for the path ahead. Below, I will discuss a few of these cost investments and for the sake of clarity, let's categorize these costs into three main domains: mental, emotional, and physical/material.

The Mental Costs

As we begin our work with a coach or therapist, we inevitably bring along a lifetime of deeply ingrained mindsets and core beliefs. While both stem from the assumptions we hold about ourselves and the world, they vary in several key aspects.

Core beliefs are deeply ingrained beliefs about oneself, others, and the world that develop early in life and shape one's perceptions, attitudes, and behaviors. These beliefs are often formed based on early experiences, upbringing, cultural influences, and significant life events. Core beliefs tend to be rigid, automatic, and resistant to change.

Examples of core beliefs include beliefs about one's worthiness, competence, safety, trustworthiness of others, and the nature of relationships. For example, someone may have a core belief that they are unlovable or that the world is a hostile place.

Core beliefs can be both positive and adaptive (e.g., "I am capable and worthy") or negative and maladaptive (e.g., "I am unworthy and incompetent"). Negative core beliefs often underlie issues such as low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and relationship difficulties.

Mindsets on the other hand are overarching attitudes or beliefs about one's abilities, potential, and the nature of intelligence and talent. Unlike core beliefs, which are more deeply ingrained and stable, mindsets can be more flexible and subject to change through experience, feedback, and deliberate effort.

Two common types of mindsets are fixed mindset and growth mindset. In a fixed mindset, individuals believe that their abilities and qualities are static and unchangeable. In contrast, in a growth mindset, individuals believe that their abilities can be developed through effort, learning, and perseverance.

Mindsets influence how individuals approach challenges, setbacks, and opportunities. Those with a growth mindset tend to embrace challenges, learn from failure, and persist in the face of obstacles, while those with a fixed mindset may avoid challenges, fear failure, and give up easily.

The true cost of this work lies in our willingness to delve into our existing core beliefs and mindsets, and to confront the unsettling possibility that the lenses through which we perceive ourselves and the world might be detrimental rather than beneficial. It can be disorienting to acknowledge that our thoughts and beliefs may not align with reality, but instead are rooted in outdated versions of ourselves or past traumas that no longer hold sway and no longer serve our best interests.

Emotional Costs

This is undeniably one of the most daunting challenges of therapeutic or self-improvement work. Many of us, myself included, were never taught how to recognize, process, or navigate the intricacies of our emotions. Often, we navigate life with only a simple understanding of our emotional spectrum, limited to basic categories like happy, mad, and sad. We lack the vocabulary to articulate the nuanced complexities of our emotional experiences or a roadmap to traverse the sometimes-tumultuous terrain of our inner emotional landscape.

In this work, we embark on the journey of both identifying and confronting the often daunting and complex emotions that may be dictating our lives, disrupting our careers, and fracturing our relationships. Emotions, for many, are experienced as volatile and chaotic, inducing discomfort and distress. It's likely that due to the intensity and discomfort these emotions evoke, we often resort to avoidance behaviors. Whether consciously or unconsciously, many addictive behaviors serve as coping mechanisms to navigate intense, confusing, and sometimes painful emotions when we feel lacking in alternative resources.

Engaging in this work demands that we cease avoiding the painful thoughts, feelings, and emotions we have been evading and confront them directly. This confrontation may initially provoke distress and emotional dysregulation, yet the eventual outcome is a profound sense of peace and mastery over our emotional states and lives.

Vulnerability and risk are also considered an emotional cost of self-improvement. We cannot change patterns that aren’t working without the vulnerability of being seen, the vulnerability of admitting “what I’m doing isn’t working” … and the risk of trying something new or taking a different approach.  

Physical & Material Costs

Doing self-improvement and therapeutic work also requires some physical and material sacrifices, investments and costs.

Time
Committing to this journey entails investing time in several ways. If you attend sessions with your coach, therapist, or mentor in person, you must allocate time not only for the session itself but also for travel to and from the location. While remote work and virtual sessions have mitigated some travel barriers, time is still a valuable resource to be accounted for. Moreover, many mentors, therapists, and coaches may provide supplementary work outside of sessions to maintain the relevance and freshness of the goals or topics discussed. This additional workload is a crucial aspect to consider, especially if you have numerous commitments that may pose obstacles to your full engagement.

 Financial
An essential aspect of discussing costs or investments in self-improvement entails exploring the financial implications. Whether you're investing in one-on-one sessions, group coaching, webinars, seminars, or retreats, there's a financial commitment attached to these services. It's common to perceive these services and products as costly, yet it's vital to recognize that we're compensating the facilitator for their time, wisdom, experience, and education. Ultimately, viewing this expenditure as an investment in oneself underscores its inherent value, making it always worth the cost.

Relationships

Engaging in any self-improvement journey can catalyze shifts in our relationships, particularly if we've historically engaged in dynamics that are unhealthy or fail to align with our best interests. As we evolve and grow, we may find ourselves outgrowing certain individuals we've surrounded ourselves with. Through this process, we may develop a deeper sense of self-worth and learn to establish boundaries more effectively, which can reshape the dynamics of our relationships.

These transformations within ourselves have the potential to disrupt existing relationships, leading to conflict, disconnection, or even dissolution. However, on the flip side, enhancing our relationship with self enables us to forge more authentic connections with those who reciprocate our actions and efforts. This journey invites us to seek out healthier, more fulfilling relationships that align with our personal growth and well-being.

Conclusion

This list serves as an initial introduction to the costs or investments involved in self-improvement work and inquiry. While not exhaustive, it highlights some key considerations to think about and potential barriers that may hinder full investment in the process. It's crucial to acknowledge these factors and identify any obstacles that might obstruct your progress along with some possible solutions.

While there are numerous free tools available to initiate this work, you may eventually reach a stage where seeking guidance from a mentor becomes the next logical step. When that time arises, know that I’m here to support you on your journey!